what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
