Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
