i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You smell like stripper and shame
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
