When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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