she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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