We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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