i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
