His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
