"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
