Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
