i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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