Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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