I met the friendliest cop last night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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