Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
