so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
