Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
