why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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