You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
