Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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