i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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