Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
