Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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