***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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