ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
