I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
