i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
