Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
