I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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