mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
3pm strippers are depressing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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