Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
