Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
