Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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