you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
