I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
