I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
