omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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