After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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