You smell like a Billy Joel song
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think your dad took our porno
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize