My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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