Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
