i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Vodka?
Forever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
