I am in a vortex of obligation.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
