Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
