So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
