wat bout pragnant strippers??
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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