News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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