I'm gonna have a badass scar
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
