i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that