Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

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  (914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20
  Replies (24) Good night (1637) Bad night (6219)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:

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  (305): Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D: http://tfl.nu/t26u
  Replies (12) Good night (2559) Bad night (915)
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  (650): View more from California

  Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair

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  (650): Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair http://tfl.nu/e96b
  Replies (10) Good night (1063) Bad night (2087)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?

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  (803): I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low? http://tfl.nu/crwl
  Replies (13) Good night (1164) Bad night (4812)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop

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  (412): dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop http://tfl.nu/q8xc
  Replies (18) Good night (6797) Bad night (772)
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  (916): View more from California

  Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

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  (916): Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius. http://tfl.nu/nzur
  Replies (26) Good night (6842) Bad night (1143)
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  (983): View more from

  I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again

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  (983): I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again http://tfl.nu/uu1t
  Replies (11) Good night (698) Bad night (2524)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.

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  (870): He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible. http://tfl.nu/mspa
  Replies (9) Good night (1440) Bad night (689)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.

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  (303): He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside. http://tfl.nu/ipia
  Replies (14) Good night (742) Bad night (2195)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.

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  (734): Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ngas
  Replies (5) Good night (674) Bad night (780)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...

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  (615): He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing... http://tfl.nu/wirp
  Replies (13) Good night (577) Bad night (2117)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.

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  (770): If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it. http://tfl.nu/yx1o
  Replies (4) Good night (876) Bad night (457)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers

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  (402): I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers http://tfl.nu/eskp
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (733)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower

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  (508): I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower http://tfl.nu/2amr
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (305)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia

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  (859): I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia http://tfl.nu/fw8u
  Replies (0) Good night (462) Bad night (276)

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