I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.