dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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