so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."