There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.