I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
