Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
