I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
