Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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