I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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