Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
