should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
