yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
