She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
