can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
